The Reward Chart — A Parenting Tool
When your child turns to you and says “Mummy, I love Gordon so much” it makes it all worth it.
So what’s this all about?
Since lockdown we have had to deal with a mixture of behaviour from our 3 ½ year old Louis:
- Happy as Larry days.
- Moody and grumpy days.
- Frustrated and short tempered days.
- Back chat/teenager days.
- Pee and poo accidents.
- Battle getting him dressed.
- Battle brushing his teeth.
- Stages of not wanting to go in the garden or for a walk to the woods, he says “there’s a flu virus and we need to stay at home”.
- Not wanting to video call or talk to people on the phone anymore.
- Not interested in arts and crafts or anything other than trains.
I’m sure anyone with kids has dealt with all sorts of difficult behaviour during lockdown; it’s been a challenging time for them all. Being taken out of nurseries and schools. Suddenly stuck at home everyday with siblings, parents, primary carers, sometimes all annoying each other and creating a pressure cooker environment where anyone could explode at any given second.
With Louis being only 3 I am grateful that home schooling hasn’t’ been something I have had to worry about too much… I mean at all if I am honest! I know it can be a struggle getting your children to ‘log on’ to do their daily homework and I have witnessed the battle from people close to me trying to keep them engaged and motivated.
But all this aside, during the past few weeks where we have now social bubbled with my Mum and Dad’s household who are currently looking after my 9-year old nephew, Louis is getting back to his usual self. More get up and go, happy and just less cagey about seeing people or going out.
Yeah we still have tantrums normally when he is overtired and we don’t get him to be early enough. But given the circumstance, he is a great kid and I adore spending time with him…. well most of the time.
So Louis has been desperate for a Thomas and Friends trackmaster Gordon . If you follow my blog you will know that Louis is obsessed with trains and in particular Thomas The Tank Engine.
During lockdown as a surprise we bought him a gigantic trackmaster track off a local listing through Facebook and wow he was impressed. I mean it is gigantic! He loves it! Although our living room becomes one huge playing ground, I don’t really mind, for now.
He has also been treated to a new trackmaster Hiro from his Nanny and Grandad’s pocket money (I know remember the days of pocket money!).
And towards the start, I can’t remember now why we did it, but we bought him a trackmaster Percy.
Having two holidays cancelled — Dorset planned with my Mum, Dad and Uncle and our much loved Walton-On-The-Naze seaside trip, I haven’t minded buying the odd gift as a treat.
But Gordon needed to be earned. Daddy and I saw this as an opportunity to straighten up some of Louis’ slightly frustrating behaviour.
As I mentioned, overall Louis is a good kid, but he is headstrong and has his own mind, so if he doesn’t want to do something it can be a battle. Plus the upcoming arrival of his baby brother is throwing up all sorts of emotions that has sent him into teenage strops, back chatting and moodiness on a few occasions (more on this in my next blog!)
So we thought it would be good to do a reward chart. We have done this in the past, some successfully and some not so much — normally because I forget and he loses interest. But they can work. Like when we potty trained Louis it was a massive help.
But for Gordon we decided on two weeks of positive behaviour where Louis completed pretty basic tasks but without a fight.
Simple. The daily action points were:
1. Brush your teeth.
2. Get dressed.
3. Good behaviour (quite generic but worked)
4. No pee or poo accidents
Since lockdown we have had some issues. He holds in his wee and poo until the last second and a few times has ended up peeing on the floor or on one lovely occasion, putting his finger in his bottom and pulling out a finger of poo. Yes rank! But real life! We have no idea why he does it. He dances around, starts saying “I’m cold” to which I say “no you’re shuddering as you need a wee!” After him running around like a lunatic we suddenly hear a scream “I neeed aaaaa wweeeeeeee!” and I have to waddle as fast as I can to the toilet. Well unless Daddy is around as Louis gives him bum wiping preference at the moment.
The Results
So 2-weeks turned into almost 4 because there was probably in total about 5 days that we semi-forget to do it and then when we were more solid, after a particular bad 24 hours where Louis was just blatantly rude and naughty, I took the chart which had 5 days worth of ticks and threw it in the bin. Yep sounds harsh but do you know what it taught him a lesson that he wasn’t just going to be given what he was working towards if he didn’t try harder.
I did feel slightly bad when he wanted the chart back and I had to retrieve it from the bin and sellotape it up. Once he realised I had listened to him and yet again he got his own way he wasn’t bothered about me putting it back in the rubbish.
Towards the end of the 2 weeks we hit a few snags; a night of screaming the house down at 3am and shouting at us the next day. With 2 crosses I introduced the 3 strikes and we start again rule… he stayed on 2.
So he earned it.
And wow was he excited when he received his new toy on the morning after his completion of the reward chart.
He jumped for joy.
Told us how much he loved Gordon, I felt proud that he had earned it and he understood what he had done to get it.
Personally I think it is a good lesson in life, working hard towards something you want.
But I did have to have a word with myself when just a few hours later, Louis completely pushed my buttons. He had specifically asked for the normal trackmaster Gordon, but you can also get a ‘Streamlining Gordon’ — based on the film The Great Race.
Sat in the living room Louis turned to me and said “I wanted streamlining Gordon”. I replied, “no you didn’t”. He says “I do, order it!” (cheeky bugger — just shows that a 3-year old has realised that things come through the post a lot …what would we do without amazon!) He then said under his breath “just throw this Gordon in the bin”. Admittedly I lost my rag! I asked what he said and he went all sheepish and said “I didn’t say anything”. He is such a little wind up merchant.
But I let him get under my skin.
That then spiralled into him calling me “boring” my new nickname some days, and refusing to let me take him once again to Nanny and Grandad’s house. Oh or getting him dressed or brushing his teeth. Yep key carer Daddy was back in force.
I may have then threatened to take Gordon away in my own little childish mood — which wasn’t a great start to what should have been a solely positive experience.
But when he came home that afternoon he was back to normal, as was I! And he has been an angel since.
So reward charts. You probably either love them or disagree with them. But for me, I think used effectively and every so often, they can be a great way of teaching your children how actions have consequences, how to work towards a goal and yeah let’s face it, fucking bribe them when you want them to stop being little shits!
I mean if you’re into Christmas — Santa’s just one massive bribe isn’t he? You better be good or you’ll end on the naughty list….
