The No-Plan Birthing Plan
I’m going to go right back now to the days of being pregnant, sometimes it feels like a bit of a blur, not sure if I am still allowed to blame it on baby brain though. I think, more than anything, every day feels like an epic adventure with a little one so the finer details become faded.
Now, before I continue I want to make it absolutely clear that everything I write about relates to my own experiences, feelings and opinions. I am in no way a parenting expert and I am sure the more you read about me, the quicker you will realise this! However, everything I am sharing in this post, I honestly feel is extremely helpful and could make a difference to all those pregnant ladies out there.
At the beginning of pregnancy I found myself feeling extremely elated and excited about my pending motherhood. Protecting the little bundle growing inside me was my main priority and the focus was taking care of myself in the respect of eating the right things, not over exercising (luckily not an issue for me) and Googling cute nursery design (you know, the crucial stuff). I had purchased a glossy book from Amazon titled ‘The Day-By-Day Pregnancy Book’, subtitle ‘count down your pregnancy day by day with advice from a team of experts and amazing images for every stage of your baby’s development’. I admit it was fun tracking the timeline.
The bigger check points during pregnancy were the scans and the regular GP/Midwife visits. At the start I remember getting a leaflet and totally freaking out as it detailed all of the possible development and abnormality issues that can occur in your growing fetus and what the processes were should they find anything. I was so nervous on my first scan praying, as I am sure every mother does, that my little one was ok. I remember getting the approval and feeling a huge sigh of relief. I had been so tense.
During the in-between scan GP visits we listened to the babies heartbeat (James always took an audio recording) and had quick chats about how I was feeling. I was one of those annoying, lucky women who had a really good pregnancy. I suffered NO morning sickness and, other then tiredness, I coped really well. So the appointments were always quite brief. James was, at times, worse then me — he almost fainted on my first appointment when they had to take blood.
On the second scan we found out the sex. James and I had agreed we both wanted to know — the surprise of suddenly having a baby was enough for us. The doctor’s actual words were ‘look at that on the screen, your son is very well endowed’!
By the third scan, the shit was starting to get real! Suddenly the tempo changed, it felt less relaxed and more methodical. Previously, every time I went to a visit I rocked up with my pregnancy book in hand and never really took notice of it but now I was being directed to a section that simply said “Write you birthing plan here”. Birthing plan? What the f**k — I have no idea.
Now I wasn’t completely naïve, I knew what a birth plan was referring to but it just wasn’t something James and I had ever discussed. I went away and started to ask other expectant parents what they were doing and taking advice from family members who have had kids previously. The response was mixed. Who knew there were so many options? For me it was either home birth or hospital birth but my hospital also had ‘The Oasis’ — according to their website “a birth centre offering a more homely environment, where the focus is on birth without medical intervention.”
Then we had to think about pain relief, who we want present at the birth, cord cutting, vaginal cutting, possible stomach cutting (c-section)…it felt endless.
Our plan was simple and this was it.
Labour Wishes:
My sister-in-law and one of my cousins both highly recommended home birthing to me, apparently they said it was a serene and beautiful experience. But I just thought, “I’m not cleaning up that mess”. So that option was out.
That meant I would definitely be in hospital and the choice was simple; a bit like would you prefer to stay in a 3* B’n’B or a 5* hotel? Decision made, we will head to The Oasis and have a water birth if available at the time. The next sentence read along the lines of ‘…but we will do whatever we need to do and are fine to give birth wherever is best for the baby’. Bringing Louis into the world as safely as possible was the priority. This meant if needed, I would go the labour ward or have a C-section without a fuss.
Pain Relief:
I liked the idea of the less drugs the better. In particular I was adamant I never wanted an epidural — too scared of the side effects and things that can go wrong such as nerve damage and potential paralysis (damn you Google)… although this is apparently very rare. I agreed that I would be happy to use Gas and Air if I needed it, deep down I had this feeling I would do it all unaided. A few people had told me about Tenz machines that help with contraction pains, it was pretty easy to hire so I did that on recommendation of my midwife.
Episiotomy:
In other words do you want to be surgically cut or tear naturally? Both sound rank but I heard that natural is best, so that one please.
Post Birth
Cord cutting — cut straight away, wait a while, wait until the pulse stops, they cut, we cut… Errrr we will cut when you tell us I guess…
Skin-on-Skin — Would you like to hold your baby after delivery… well of course! I mean isn’t this the magical moment everyone dreams of and what you see in films? I was also told that this is the great time for baby and mother to bond through breastfeeding, so I am all in.
Vitamin K — I had no idea about this. But a Googled definition is: ‘Vitamin K is needed by humans for blood clotting, but when babies are born they have low levels of it. Some babies can have very severe bleeding — sometimes into the brain, causing significant brain damage. This bleeding is called haemorrhagic disease of the newborn (HDN).’ Pretty scary, when you read it like that. My sister-in-law sent me articles about it. It can be injected at birth or given orally. I actually thought a small injection would be quicker and easier then trying to get the baby to swallow it, so that option was selected.
Key People:
We had to outline who would be allowed in our birthing room… absolutely no one! I mean, my Mum as an emergency I suppose, but it was bad enough to potentially scar James for life yet alone another human! As for visitors, happy with whoever, once I was decent of course, no one I could think of blacklisting…
The rest of the birthing plan outlined our contact details, medical history etc.
Cool, job done. Glad that’s over with; it was starting to feel like that homework essay you used to put off writing until the last day of the summer holidays.
From that moment on the amount of people that asked us about our plan was staggering. I mean, people really do visualise exactly what they want — some even like to include what music they want played and what vapours or smells they will throw into the mix.
We had no personal touches. Well that’s a bit of a lie as my sister-in-law, the Homeopathy genius, sent me some scented home remedies to help during labour.
There is no right or wrong — and I totally understand why people map out their perfect birthday plan — after all it is a huge experience in their life and one that they will remember and hopefully treasure forever. I can imagine how nice it would be to deliver a baby to your favourite soundtrack, surrounded by beautiful smells, tantalising all your senses.
But I can’t stress enough to expectant mums the importance of being FLEXIBLE. Delivering a healthy baby is the important part, everything else is a bonus. The wonders of childbirth can be very complex and my reality was very different from even my casual pretty much No-Plan Birthing Plan.
The timeline of my reality went like this. Well approximate timeline, I didn’t actually keep notes.
Sunday 29 January
- 9pm waters broke, ran around feeling excited and nervous for a bit before phoning the hospital
- 10:45pm examined by the nurse then sent home… very non-dramatic
Monday 30 January
- No further development after 24 hours, call hospital at 9pm as instructed. Told to come in with hospital bag at 11:30pm (oh my god!!!! It’s finally happening!!!!)
- 11:44pm shown to my hospital bed, sat around waiting… nothing happening!
Tuesday 31st January
- At 2am given antibiotics to induce labour (they don’t like to leave it more then 24–48 hours after the waters have broken to get the baby out.) I was told to walk up and down the corridor to help stimulate contractions. So there we were, middle of the night, in my nightie walking up and down stairs, laughing and not really knowing what the hell was going on. These antibiotics had 6 hours to work.
- Around 5am, headed back to my hospital bed and was strapped to a monitor with pads all over my belly. I was trapped. A few hours later the contractions started, at the time I thought they were painful (oh wow, I had no idea what I was in store for). The Tenz machine was pulled out of the box, along with the instruction manual, nothing like preparing. This will erase all of the pain I thought… not so much… I mean being honest it did kind of help spread the pain, but I was so frustrated that I wasn’t able to move around that I still felt agitated.
- Around 9am, Nurse informs me that within the next few hours they would make the decision to take me to the labour ward. No bath tub or lava lamp for me (this was a little joke between James and I, when we went for a look around The Oasis my thoughts of a Holistic Spa was met with a pretty standard hospital room with the addition of a sofa and a purple lava lamp!)
- 10am — informed I would indeed be going to the labour ward where if needed they will give me antibiotics to send me into labour. Mmmmm that sounds equivalent of going on one of those rollercoasters — 0 to 100mph in 2.5 seconds…but much less thrilling.
- At 11am I was moved to the labour ward into my own birthing suite. Just me, James and our midwife Mandy. “Oh Mandy” Burt Bacarach was right about the magic of ladies called Mandy!
- Now between 11am and giving birth, timings became a blur. I still struggle to remember what time Louis was actually born (awful parent) so at the time of writing this post — I had to go and find out, it was 2:55pm. My contractions started to get more and more intense but I just wasn’t dilating. By now, still strapped to a bloody machine, I was becoming more uncomfortable. I always remember the midwife just staring at me as if on one hand feeling sorry for me and the other feeling like this was just and everyday occurrence for her.
- At 1pm the contractions started coming in full force, strong and fast, I was frantic. James tried to offer comfort but he was swiftly told to back away. I will cover childbirth in more detail in a separate blog but the point being that at the height of my contractions, the deep pain was so intense it literally took my breath away making it impossible to suck in gas and air. So when asked if I wanted an epidural, I replied “hell yes!”.
- At 1:30pm, just as they were about to action my antibiotics to bring on labour, I dilated 10cm and was suddenly ready to go.
- 1 hour 15 minutes later, after monitoring the baby’s heartbeat, the midwife called for assistance, something was wrong. 5 other nurses and doctors came bounding into the room. Like a scene from a soap opera, a tall lady stood next to me and said in a calm but firm voice “Hayley, we need to get your baby out now”. So contractions or not I was told to push push push and with what felt like a river bank bursting, Louis came sliding out.
- Just after birth, (to clarify this was at 2:55pm…engraved now to memory) Louis was taken away from me at first in a panic, then bought back over for some skin-on-skin, then quickly removed again to be taken into another room.
- I had a follow up injection for the placenta. Don’t remember anything about this on my plan but I thought yeah go ahead lets get it allllllll out!
So to confirm.
- I ended up in the labour ward — no serene spa break for me
- I had lots of antibiotics to stimulate labour
- I had gas and air and then followed it up with my dreaded epidural
- I had an Episiotomy — I was not actually given a choice, they cut me to get Louis out in an emergency
- I had another injection to give birth to the placenta
- I had a split second skin-on-skin but was not able to try breastfeeding or have a meaningful cuddle
- I never even sniffed the holistic remedies my sister-in-law packed me off with
As you can see, even for someone who had a pretty casual birthing plan, my reality was extremely different. I had way more drugs then I thought, an epidural and didn’t have the benefit of those precious first moments.
But I would not change any of it as those incredible midwives and doctors who do this on a daily basis, helped bring my Louis safely into this world. At all times they had mine and Louis’s health at the forefront of their focus and they didn’t risk anything.
Now, most births are probably much more plain sailing then mine — I tell myself it was probably Karma for being so cocky about having such a idealistic pregnancy. Please don’t think I am writing any of this to scare you of childbirth, as it is an incredible experience. But it just goes to show how you never know what might happen.
I hear it all the time.
A friend of mine just today had to go through a C-section even though she whole-heartedly wanted a natural birth.
To summarise, it is completely fine to have a very specific and detailed birthing plan. I was very casual with my approach, but it is sensible to investigate your options and put a plan together that works for you both medically, physically and mentally. I would even encourage people to reiterate their wishes to midwives during labour. But be fluid and adaptable and don’t feel disappointed if things don’t go to plan. Giving birth is a wonderful experience but can come with a huge set of challenges. What’s important is getting your little one into the world, healthy and happy, so you can start your beautiful family’s journey as quickly and safely as you can.
