The night I witnessed that flies really do love shit!
I am not sure about you but the idea of going on holiday and the reality are often two very different things. Whilst on my current trip in Australia, the hubby and I booked ourselves for a few nights peaceful stay in Lorne on the Great Ocean Road. Hubby James has recently donated a kidney to my brother, Steve, who lives here in Melbourne and post surgery, he has been instructed to take it easy and recover (what a hero I hear you say).
James is unable to lift anything for 6 weeks, in particular a heavy, non-stop eating almost 2 year old. So when I packed for all of us for our 3-night break, I couldn’t understand why the case was so bloody heavy! Being a martyr I dragged it step by step up the stairs and took deep breaths as I lifted it in the boot of our hire car. Not sure if anyone else does this, but I always try and pack as light as possible and get annoyed when there are so many extra belongings cascading into other bags — suitcase, bag for toys, bag for shoes, bag for food….James gets really annoyed at how annoyed I get…it’s a regular occurrence when we go away.
Day 1 — we arrived after a 2-hour drive, of which Louis slept peacefully. We are winning already.
Checked in — nice apartment, views of a bowling green — bit different.
Headed out for lunch, which turned out to be the most delicious and epic steak burger.
The day was great…until bedtime.
The current routine whilst staying at my brothers has been…place in cot, leave the room and 5 minutes later Louis is in the land of nod but, like on all holidays, Louis had reverted to treating the travel like a fiery cage of hell. Even dipping his toe into the cot sent him into a mad, frantic rage, kicking and screaming.
Shit.
Plan B, put on ‘In the night garden’ and then let him fall asleep in our bed…an hour and a half later, after ‘fake’ sleeping next to Louis, he finally gave in.
So Day 2 went a bit like this…
Daytime — The Vision:
Spend a fun-filled day on the beach. Have a little picnic and then put Louis in his pram. He will drift asleep to the sound of the ocean allowing me and the hubby to kick back and relax with a book…after I have hunted down an epic cappuccino and hopefully a gluten free cake of course.
Daytime — The Reality:
We spent a fun morning on the beach, played in the beach tent, paddled in the sea, made sand castles — all very successful. Hubby went back to apartment to bring back our snacks for lunch. He forgot the knife and dropped the fruit so it resulted in me biting pieces of cheese straight from the block and handing it to Louis, like a mother bird feedings its chick. Half the fruit got binned; the rest had a distinct twiggy texture and a taste that was a mix of dirt and rosemary bizarrely. He had managed to cut the tomatoes before he left — phew — however they were still the size of a toddler-choking hazard so I discretely bit them in half so hubby didn’t feel like a complete failure.
For nap time, we placed Louis in his pram, he lays back and is silent. A few seconds later I fist bump the air and start to relax. The dream, in a few minutes he will be fast asleep.
Then I hear “Mummy” — fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! It seemed too easy — damn it!
Right, that’s it. I drag Louis in his pram across the sand, which was actually more difficult then it seemed. Half an hour later, having navigated some back road dirt tracks his eyes closed — at this point I happened to be outside some lovely boutique shops so it was only fair that I had a little browse.
Then I head back to the beach. Drag him through the sand once more. Place him inside the beach tent and then finally head off for the delicious coffee…oh and a piece of gluten free carrot cake that was just staring at me from the window of the bakery!
Back to the beach with goodies, quick chat with the hubby putting world to rights then start packing up because the tide is coming in!
Evening Time — The Vision:
Go to highly trip advisor rated noodle bar for dinner, have fun in the play park, grab some award-winning (apparently) gelato and then walk Louis around until he falls asleep so me and James can enjoy an evening of playing Uno and eating crisps and dips — whoa, hold on there party animals!
Evening Time — The Reality:
We almost nailed it, but had an unexpected poo accident when, after a delicious Thai cuisine, Louis shat through his nappy and I only realised when the wafting smell of raw sewage (or so I thought) was actually coming from my child’s bum, and he was currently wrapping his legs around my waist. Yes, I had poo down the side of my nice, white patterned trouser playsuit… so glad I made an effort tonight! We ran to nearby grass in front of a church and like a wrestling tag team, baby wiped and nappy bagged up to the maximum, we began clearing the horrific scene. The saying ‘flies around shit’… well I have never seen so many flies swarm down in one go. Louis looked like a human sacrifice for some weird fly clan!
I ran back to the restaurant to clean up. Wiped my playsuit as best I could and just gave in to the fact that I was going to smell pretty rank for the next few hours!
Still we carried on to the park, ate our gelato (they should definitely give that award back) and stumbled across a lovely walk along a creek.
Louis was so tired; we just knew he was about to drop off to snoozeville. We walked and we walked, around car parks and the hotel gardens. We walked for over an hour and he seemed to get more awake! Aaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!! We went inside and spent two hours laying down and getting him to sleep. There was several bouts of energy where Louis jumped up, laughed, kicked me in the face, did the tired roly-poly move (I am sure many of you have witnessed this). James lost his rag completely. After the first time he attempted to rescue me which ended in us both laughing. The fourth time sent him over the edge. With a loud, “fuck off” to the universe, he headed out the door and went to the beach for some Zen time.
2 minutes later, as if the universe heard James words of frustration, Louis gave in and fell asleep. And relax, 9:47pm!
Having Googled about teething around this age, we are now pretty convinced it is his secondary molars coming through — normally this happens between 23–31 months. Symptoms (adapted in my own words):
- Ratty as hell
- Moody as f**k
- Short tempered (like his Dad)
- Irritable (that constant droning whine)
- Not sleeping at night (me getting kicked in the head)
- Trouble napping (no respite… the days feel long)
- Chewing every toy in sight (have to check everything for small parts that may fall off and prevent choking hazard)
- Dribbling more then normal (wet… just very wet)
- Red cheeks (looks like a beaten Gnome)
At 10pm, after a sheepish hubby returned, we finally chilled with a game of Uno and the chip and dip…sweet chilli kettle chips, you can’t beat them!
Not quite the dream but I beat him at Uno so I was pretty happy.
Day 3 — To keep it short, it was a semi successful day, naps pretty much went to plan in the day, well, after forcing him into his pram kicking and screaming. In the evening we went for a different approach. The Vision; let Louis stay awake until he fell asleep. The Reality, he battled the tiredness, enjoyed the random event of ‘Beats and Bowls’ happening at the bowls green opposite and finally gave into the day at 9:35pm!
Date of event: 8 January 2019. Louis is 23 months old.
