Goodbye Dummy, Goodbye Happiness
What are we going to do?
All those bribes.
All those moments where the dummy acts as a little safety drug for those mini humans.
But at 3 years old, a massive overbite and teeth that are giving Pennywise a run for its money, the decision to get rid of it was well overdue.
I actually made up a whole story way back in October 2019 — Ben and Holly from their magic kingdom we’re going to come and take them away for the babies in dummy kingdom to have.
But one excuse after the other meant it didn’t happen.
There was the family holiday in Walton where I thought, with the encouragement of his older cousins that he looked up to, that we would rid of the dummies and make a big fuss of him. The reality, Louis had a stinking cold and was an absolute arsehole. Yes I called my child an arsehole. He was the devil. No way was I going to give myself any further headache.
Then there was Christmas time, but I decided that with my brother and his mob staying for 3 weeks, it wasn’t fair to put everyone through the pain and turmoil that was due to follow, so I didn’t bother.
We would do it early January before our trip to America. But on second thoughts, a dummy on an 11-hour flight will be very helpful.
Sod it lets wait until we are back.
And so we agreed that his 3rd birthday was the bench mark. Mummy and Daddy need to take one for the team and prepare for a few unsettled nights.
For day 1 of removal we hoped the amount of sugar he consumes on his birthday will help him to literally crash and burn into a sleep coma.
And day 2 — conveniently Mummy and Daddy have a party to go to (yes out out can you believe! I’m gonna have to ditched the skanky leggings and jumper for this one), so Nanny will be in charge of dealing with the little one. But Nanny takes no shit and Louis actually listens to her.
So here’s what actually happened.
Day 1
We successfully removed the dummies. The letter worked a treat. There was fairy dust everywhere but it was worth it. Louis put all his dummies in the bag and we all went outside to hang it in the tree.
Later that night once it was dark we went out with the torch to see if the fairies had been and to our amazement they had! Louis seemed to take it well although when I said the babies have them he said “but I want them”. Awkward.
Although he hadn’t had sugar for a good 3-hours he was still wired at bedtime. Using the sofa as a launch pad to hit his Thomas balloon, yes it ended in disaster as we said it would when he face planted to the floor!
Bedtime was erratic. He was running around and it was like trying to contain a beast. Teeth brushing, toilet, face wash and story time was met with bursts of short runs or craziness.
Daddy tried to calm him. No use. Mummy tried and it seemed to work. I read his now 3rd book of the night and he seemed relaxed. But without that rubber piece of what can only be referred to as ‘child crack’, his usually resting state was not surfacing. The huge fucking dog that his lovely auntie Katie decided to get him as an annoying birthday present (bitch!) was getting cuddles and straddled. Yep, bedtime didn’t look like it was going to go to plan.
We managed to get some pj bottoms on him after he decided he wanted to sleep naked — which by the way he won’t — it’s just an excuse to call us back in after lights are out.
Then it started. “I want my dummy”. Shit. I ignore. He says it again. “I want my dummy”. I reference the fairies. He doesn’t give two fucks. He wants his dummy.
I back out of the room, trying to ignore his question and encouraging him to tell his favourite teddy Mamack about his day.
As soon as I leave he is up. Chat chat chatting. “Mummy I want my dummy.”
Now it’s Daddy’s turn.
Daddy was up there for a while chatting. Then I hear “right that’s it now, it’s bedtime”.
He comes downstairs. A few minutes later it starts.
“Mummy”… “Mummy” … “Mummy”. I ignore for 5 mins. Then it’s “I want a drink”. I give in.
Then it’s “I want lamb” I find the lamb toy his Nanny knitted that he woke in the night suddenly remembering and has since not put it down. I take it up.
Then it’s “I want a cuddle and a kiss.” I do it and he is still wired!!!!
I leave telling him he needs to sleep as we have cinema on morning. He cries. I say, “ok I’m going now and not coming back upstairs.”
The crying gets worse. James goes back up.
Now there is silence. Fingers crossed. It’s 8:15pm
Day 2
I’m sat here eating some burnt porridge (James failed today, it’s normally his speciality. It actually took us about 2 weeks to clean the pan as we kept forgetting to by a scourer). It’s 7:53am and Louis is still asleep having not woken at all in the night. Was it all the sugar? Maybe he was just mega tired? Or was it because he didn’t wake in the night searching for his dummy? Hard to say but eating breakfast in peace is rare but very enjoyable!
Today was quite funny. We started at 9:45am going to watch Paw Patrol: Ready, Race, Rescue at the cinema — Louis first cinematic experience. To be honest it was 48 minutes of dragged out rubbish, I wanted to punch Marshall in the head by the end of it but Louis seemed to enjoy it. He may have also enjoyed the bag of magic stars that he polished off during the film. Great parenting!
Later that day, after a complete meltdown after wanting me then Daddy, then Mummy to take him to Nanny and Grandad’s house for a sleepover, I arrive at their house. He screamed in my ear for the entire journey “I want Daddy”, he is such a player. Whoever ended up taking him he would have wanted toe other.
Anyway I was worried that he would be a hassle for them but he didn’t ask for his dummy at all, not even when going to sleep.
What’s more, yet again he slept on until 8am! This is becoming a regular thing, I can get used to it.
Day 3
Today Louis went to his first birthday party, one of his friends from nursery. There was soft-play, food and a Spider-Man magician! James took him so that I could have some of my own “chill time” but my chill time involved a cheesy chick flick then 3 loads of washing and sorting out Louis bedroom and playroom. Since Christmas the toy load has doubled and I find myself playing musical cupboards, moving this here and that there.
When Louis got back he carried on playing, he was shattered to be fair. He asked for his dummy and we reminded him that he doesn’t have it. He said “why”. We replied “because the fairies took them.”
So we got him ready for bed before we allowed him to snuggle on the sofa for a bit of quiet tv time. Now normally if he had dummy at this point he would be out for the count within 15-minutes (those lazy parenting nights when you can be arsed with the bedtime routine) but without it, it’s like he finds it harder to relax and go off.
So it’s upstairs for normal routine of books and now he is bouncing off the walls again! Demanding endless stories. Dancing like he needs a wee.
I’ve come downstairs and left James to read a few books.
No doubt when he leaves the room Louis will start kicking off.
Let’s see what happens!
Yep story time over and the moaning begins. “I want mummy”.
I head upstairs.
“I want a drink.” Ok I’ll get one. “No, I want a magic story.” Ok I can do that, I tell a made up story about his day at his party.
Then he wants his stickers that he got from Spider-Man.
So I say “I’ll go get your sticker and water, you roll over cuddle Mamack and shut your eyes” knowing full well in 5-mins he would be in the land of nod. And it worked.
7pm, he was fast asleep and now it was time to watch my new favourite show ‘The Morning Show’ with Jennifer Anniston and Reece Witherspoon. If you haven’t watched it I highly recommend it. I do have a Jennifer crush, but it’s not for that reason, the story line is gripping.
Day 4
So night 4 is interesting. James is working late. I know Louis is tired as we’ve been out all day but he is proper tantruming.
I’m sitting downstairs using the ‘ignore’ approach hoping he will give in and tuck himself into bed. I’ve already given him a drink and extra snuggles so he has definitely run out of requests. It’s been 18-mins so far and finally the crying spurts are getting less and less.
Yeah no they didn’t stop.
It continued.
I went up 5 times, snuggles, drinks all sorts!
I swear he even laughed when he saw me appear the last time, as if a “ha ha I’m winning this battle”.
Enough.
“Louis I’m not coming back upstairs, your fine, your warm, your safe.” To which he always replies “am I?” — “yes of course”.
I walk away and the screaming carries on.
Bedtime started at 6:22am, finally I heard the heavy footsteps of him finally giving in and retiring to his bed at 7:46pm!
….
But in all seriousness, dummies have been such a big part of his life, it’s like he is lost without it. 3 years of having it every single day, a habit that has been etched into who he is. I kind of feel bad and responsible.
I used to be a smoker and I remember the changes I went through when giving up. Moodiness. Crankiness. Times of feeling lost. Angry. Not knowing how to pass time. It quickly subsides and the positives take over — ‘oh my hair doesn’t smell like an ashtray’ or ‘I’ve saved £30 this week!’. But there was an emotional process.
I know it will get better and to be fair it is better then I ever imagined. Well that’s a bit of a lie. The night time is better then I imagined, even more so now he has got into listening to audio stories before bed. The only bugbear is that Louis has a repetitive nature and has listened to the same ‘Peppa pig bedtime stories’ every night. I swear that theme tune haunts my dreams. How is that show so addictive? I remember when Louis was very little and we had gone to see a friend who had a two year old at the time. She was standing in front of a huge TV scream mesmerised by Peppa. My friend turned to me and said “never let him watch Peppa Pig”. Well I forgot that tip didn’t I!
But what I hadn’t prepared myself for was the daytime meltdowns. Those moments when he is tired or feeling vulnerable and wants his crutch. Instead of relaxing he turns into the devil. An angry, sweaty mass of pent up emotion unleashed on the world.
It’s been just over 2 weeks and they haven’t reduced. Hopefully they will become less challenging as he works through his emotions of calming down without the rubber anchor. It probably doesn’t help on those days where as much as I tell myself to stay calm, I end up screaming like a complete nutter right back at him! I’m saying, “calm down Louis” and at same time doing the opposite! Great example, but my does he push my buttons!
Something as simple as turning the light on so he can see better when playing with his trains — sends him into a frenzy of anger.
We’ve had:
A paddy because he wanted to walk down a ramp and not steps when leaving soft-play. His Grandma still thinks he is a saint even though he was sat in the middle of the street refusing to stand and screaming!
A paddy because he wanted to wee at Nanny and Grandad’s house even though when I did a detour and pulled up outside he said he didn’t want to go. So I drove off and it started again!
A paddy for no reason other than simply not wanting to leave the house.
A paddy because I pretended to eat one of his mini Jammy dodgers — that was a bad one! He was soooooo angry and refused to listen to me when I told him I was joking and that he still had 4 in his hands!
A paddy because after leaving Louis and Daddy in the car whilst I ran to the shop to grab some ginger (for a delicious salmon rice bowl recipe I may add), he then decided he didn’t want me in the car and screamed “get out Mummy” all the way home and went hysterical when I wasn’t offloaded on the dual carriageway.
A paddy because when watching a Peppa Pig film he suddenly decided he wanted a toy owl and cried because he didn’t have one.
A paddy because after being a miserable bugger at a circus show with his cousins, Nanny and Grandad, and refusing to say goodbye when we left, he then screamed all the way home that he wanted to say bye to them all! After he realised he was being stupid he went back to crying about the fucking owl!
James and I were chatting the other night about how the dummy was more for us a lot of the time. I sit here now realising how nice it is without it in many ways. Like we don’t have to worry if we go out and forget it. I don’t feel as guilty when I look at his teeth (well we have dentist in a few weeks so we’ll see how long that lasts!). He looks better without that silly bit of plastic in his face, the spoiler of many family photos (which my Mum always points out!)
But my oh my did we use it as a bribe, sometimes subconsciously I may add:
⁃ Get in the car please, here you can have your dummy.
⁃ Calm down you crazy person, here you can have your dummy.
⁃ Have a relax on the sofa, here you can have your dummy.
⁃ Go to sleep quietly and quickly, here you can have your dummy.
⁃ Please stop being a complete dick, here you can have your dummy.
So it’s a big change and a new experience for all of us. But I hope that as the weeks go on, the dummy will be a thing of the past and my sweet chilled little boy will come back once again.
Fingers crossed.
For all those about to conquer the dummy removal, good luck and stay strong.
