F**k off parentmail!
The below blog was written a few days after Louis returned to school after his first ever half term. The world of school has certainly added a whole new admin role to my life that I had absolutely no idea about, if only I was getting paid for it!
Firstly apologies to anyone from the school or PTA reading this — I love you really — but fuck my life, I’m not sure my brain can cope much longer!
After navigating the first ever term of school (yes ever) for my 4-year old and dealing with the horrendous rollercoaster of emotions as his little exhausted brain turned to Satan bang on 3pm-bedtime everyday, we were looking forward to some downtime. No structures or routines.
Over the two weeks, Louis realised just how much he loves school and he really missed it. That’s so great. And I missed the simplicity of being able to get some work done! But my oh my, as soon as we are back — the stress campaign starts again!
Yes I’m that parent who leaves all the uniform ironing until the last second (actually hubby does it) and runs around finding all the uniform that is dispersed across the house (piles of washing, utility room, bedroom, on top of washing. machine). Thank god we were let off with homework as no doubt that would have been done on the morning back!
Admittedly it was unfortunate that late night halloween trick or treating was on the Sunday — the day before school opened after the holidays but just to add to the overwhelm — our school decided to throw a Halloween fun run, oh and a reception class bake sale on the first day back! Bake or buy….thanks Tesco’s I will be buying!
Now the words fun and run definitely do not go hand in hand for me, but having succumbed to my first parent peer pressure I signed Louis up along with his little brother George to help raise some money for the school.
I wiped off the chocolate stains from the costume Louis wore the night before, and off we went, me, the hubby and George …looking very uncomfortable with a massive baby shark head on him stuck in the pram.
After a big hello cuddle with Louis having sprinted from his classroom, we joined the queue for the bake sale. A smarties cookie was selected, full of lovely blue e-numbered chocolate circles of kids crack!
45 minutes until race time.
Louis now dressed back in his dragon costume started running around the field like an absolute maniac. “You’re tire yourself out” I warned. He couldn’t give two shits.
I was in school hell. It was just chaos everywhere. Kids running and screaming, parents not knowing what the fuck was going on or why the fuck they had volunteered for this!
We had to get their race numbers, do a warm up, head over to the race start point and wait for the klaxon. When the blues were asked to go, Louis and his dad James bolted. I started with a casual walk whilst pushing the pram. Which at the end of the first half of the first lap….I thought I would just hang back and catch up with them on lap 2. Well when I found out it was 3 laps — I waited again! 3 fucking laps! Poor James was knackered. Louis went from running, to screaming and collapsing in tantrums, to running, to shoulder carrying and finally to running to the finish line to get his medal. I of course took the final part of the race course — the glory run I call it — I know I know, I’m naughty!
That same day I got a notification from my new full time admin job parent mail. If your kids haven’t started school yet, and you aren’t aware, a little heads up — managing the emails from the school is a full time job.
Deadline 1st November — order your child’s artwork for Christmas cards.
Oh fuck I remember looking at that form at the start of the half term.
Online I go. Fucking hell. Cards, notepads, wrapping paper, tags — surprisingly no car wrap! So I order a bundle deal whilst counting how many Christmas cards I’d be sending out this year. (Is it me or is it less and less each year???)
When I chat to my other mum friend at the school, yes I have a mum friend! Ha ha She tells me how she added to the design with Merry Christmas. What!!!! Bollocks, I just sent it as it was. Oh well.
Then today, my first proper work day back with no kids around, I get into my action list and ping — parentmail! What fucking now!!!!! Oh deadline for cards — done that, phew, relax.
A few hours later.
Ping — parent mail! Are you fucking kidding me!
Ok this one is about scouts and guides being allowed to wear their uniform on Remembrance Day. That’s sweet but thankfully doesn’t apply. I haven’t signed Louis up to any out of school activities yet — not for want of trying but he is not interested in after school clubs and I am too selfish to give up my weekends just yet!
Then the class what’s app group starts!
Remember PTA meeting Thursday night oh and on Friday it’s non uniform day and bring a donation for Christmas fete — simply an unopened wine bottle, chocolates or a teddy in good condition!!!!!!! Fucking helllllll!!!
Now I am in proper panic mode. So at 9pm I’m typing — “what…is there a non uniform Friday???” Apparently yes! And donation. I don’t have any of these things, I’m sure I can find an old teddy but in good condition?? they’re be lucky not to have dribble or snot all over it.
So now I’m stressing that I’m gonna forget to send him in his own clothes and now I also have to go and source something as a prize! Fuuuuuuuucccckkkk!
I love Louis’ school and I am super grateful. But I just had to rant because I can’t be alone.
It’s seriously a fucking mind field.
All I can think of is the TV show Motherland and….am I Julie!????
