Explaining babies to a 3-year old
I actually wrote this blog 6-weeks ago and for some reason never published it — a typical Hayley procrastination characteristic of mine. But now at 40 weeks pregnant, and 2-days overdue, I thought now would be a good time to get back to some writing. I was convinced that baby number 2 would come early, given Louis was born a week early but that’s not the case! Louis is very emotional today, he is crying every time I mention having to go to the doctors (which I am going to today for a check-up), so it made me revisit this blog as it’s definitely an important subject matter to consider for any parents bringing a sibling into their family.
I’m sat here writing this blog at 34 weeks pregnant. I am getting big now; I know so because as I am typing my bump is hitting the table.
This second pregnancy feels like it is flying by. First time round I monitored every second in minute detail as my little one grew inside me. Second time around, it’s a bloody after thought, let’s be honest! Between getting on with work, running a house, looking after your family oh yeah and dealing with a 3-year old, life just carries on as normal.
First time around I would have had way more ‘afternoon naps’ or pulled out the ‘I’m too tired to make dinner’ card, but when you have a kid, you don’t have a choice, you have to get on with it.
I draw the line at carrying Louis, but as we don’t leave the house much these days that’s not been a problem I have had to worry about. And he finds it easy climbing into the car should I need to go anywhere, so it’s happy days really!
But this blog is more about the interesting observations of introducing a new baby to our family.
So I will begin.
My mum said to me when I told her I was expecting again, “don’t tell Louis about the baby until you are at least 6 months, as 9 months is a long time for a child”.
Did I listen …no?
Convinced that Louis was super intelligent and smart (which I stand by) we told him early doors. In fact, you may have read in a previous blog that Louis actually came along to our first 12-week scan. To be fair he didn’t give two shits about seeing his baby brother on the screen, running in the corridors and then watching Peppa Pig on Daddy’s phone was way more fun.
So that was around 3-months when we told Louis.
And he has been really engaged with the baby. He doesn’t so much like touching the bump, especially when it moves, but he does refer to his baby brother quite often and regular asks to kiss or say hello.
So we thought it was all plain sailing. With a 3 ½ year age gap, Louis will be entering a new phase of his life, easier in respects that he is much more self-sufficient and will enjoy helping care for the baby. We have finally nailed down Louis sleep — yep it only took 3 years for us to get some good nights kip and since lockdown Daddy has had to do bedtime routine every night; it winds him up some days (although he loves it when Louis isn’t being an idiot) — but gone are the days of sitting in his room for hours whilst he drifted to sleep. Now it’s a quick ‘made up’ adventure story and then off to sleep he goes… well 8 times out of 10.
The new routine will work well when baby 2 comes along and Louis and Daddy will still keep this routine going.
But a few weeks ago Louis went through a really bad spell. As you know because of the dreaded Covid-19, it meant that Louis couldn’t attend nursery or see any of his kiddy friends, he has become more and more moody and on some days angry. Shouting if he doesn’t get his own way, short tempered etc.
But one week it went to another level of complete tantrums. Screaming at us. Crying and being just absolutely horrible.
The weekend before we had been sorting through the garage to find all our old baby things — getting everything ready for the arrival of baby number 2, who we are actually planning to call George (Louis picked it). I think it was off the back of a Peppa Pig phase, but luckily we all like the name.
Louis was having lots of fun, finding all his baby toys and playing with them on the lawn. Some he asked if he could have, which we said yes. And he was talking about sharing toys with George. How wonderful.
But it was the following Monday that the shit hit the fan. Or should I say my angel turned to the dark side.
I remember saying to James if he thought it was anything to do with us getting everything for baby George ready, but as Louis joined in with lots of enthusiasm we convinced ourselves it wouldn’t be this.
A few days later I was texting my friend Nae, my parenting guru who I turn to for every question relating to raising a child other than my mum. I was telling her about Louis behaviour and without even mentioning anything she said to me:
“This sounds like normal toddler behaviour about the arrival of a new baby”
I couldn’t believe it.
That’s it. Suddenly my Mum’s voice rang in my ears and I realised that it made total sense. There was so much talk about baby George that Louis was probably getting frustrated as to why he wasn’t here yet!
I ordered some books straight away as per my mates advice. They were:
- What’s In Your Tummy Mummy? by Sam Lloyd
- I’m A Big Brother by Joanna Cole
On the following weekend, we had a picnic in the garden and read them together. Louis loved them and touch wood, his behaviour has been much better.
Now I make a point of calling Louis ‘my big boy’ instead of baby. We explain tasks that he does that are only for him because he is “older” and talk about the things George won’t be able to do and the things Louis can help with. He has said point blank NO to helping with pooey bums — he has a weak gag reflex which is pretty hilarious. Apparently this is Daddy’s job. Mine is to feed George and Louis’ is to show him around the house!
Nae said be prepared that it will continue even when George is born. And that Louis may even regress slightly and start acting baby-like. But it’s great that I know this as I can be ready.
But just having someone point this out has been really helpful. As maybe subconsciously we were putting too much emphasis on George. We were likely just trying to include Louis in it all, but maybe we went too far.
Now we have to work out the procedure when I go into labour and how that works. I mean we want Louis to be included but obviously he won’t be there for the birth!
Do we tell him the structure before it happens? As in when the baby comes you will go to Nanny and Grandad’s house? Or if in the middle of the night they will come here? Any advice is welcomed!
So if you have young children and are expecting another child maybe don’t tell them so early on because in their little world, 9 months can genuinely feel like a lifetime.
As an update sat here past the due date, the time is increasingly dragging for Louis. Every day he asks, “is George coming today?” and I have to respond with “hopefully Louis”.
We have explained that Mummy and Daddy will need to go to hospital when George is born and that he will spend time and maybe a night at Nanny and Grandad’s. He loves it there so although he may be upset that we go away, he will be in good hands.
Then he has seen the duvet and pillow ready for Grandad in case he has to take over in the middle of the night and we have mentioned that he may wake up and find Grandad here. How exciting!
It’s a lot for Louis to take in and right now, given his emotional state today I do feel a little guilty. But most of it cannot be helped. And I think explaining it is the right thing to do, just on reflection I may not have started at 3 months!!
Anyway for now, wish me luck for baby number 2. Tonight a hot Thai curry is being ordered!
